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I have been feeling really frustrated lately. I think life feels like it’s moving very slow right now. I love the fact that I get to be a stay at home mom and take care of my precious little girl, but at the same time I feel so useless. I know that taking care of Sophie is a job in itself, but I wish that I could contribute financially. And I could if I did some sort of work from home thing, but the problem with that is the government won’t let me. It seems really dumb that we as moms only get a partial amount from our wage for maternity leave, and when we want to make more money then it’s taken out of that maternity leave money. I don’t know how single mothers deal with that. A woman who is a stay at home mom is only allowed to make $200 max a month on top of the maternity leave. It just really makes me angry, how are people supposed to survive on that? And even if a woman chooses to go back to work, daycare itself takes a good chunk out of your wage anyway. No wonder people are having less and less kids now a days. No one can afford to have many children.
Anyway, I feel frustrated because I don’t like not having stability or a plan. I want to be there for my child and raise her, but at the same time I feel so tied down to the house. I have to be here most of the day because she needs to have her naps, and most of my friends don’t have kids so it’s really hard to relate to them anymore. I don’t like the idea of putting my child in day care, I don’t like that idea that someone would be raising my kid just so that I can have money. I would rather have less money then have less time with Sophie, but I need a plan. I need to join some sort of a playgroup or a club, because sitting at home is starting to really get to me. I wish I had more friends with kids that I could hang out with.
Well, now that I have had my rant I will go. I don’t want to be all pitiful, because in the end I know that I very blessed to be able to stay at home, I just wish it wasn’t so lonely sometimes.
Sophia and Daddy
Today Sophie was a little angel. She was a bit cranky in the morning, but was such a good girl for the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to do with myself – usually she just whines and whines, but today she was all smiles and happy.
She took a wonderful 2 hour nap this morning, causing us to miss our swim class:;I didn’t care, I wanted to nap too. After her morning nap she was up for 3 hours, happily playing in her exersaucer for a good chunk of the time.
We also went to see our friends Brent and Leah’s (pluckymama) newborn baby in the hospital today. He is sooo cute and tiny. Way to go Leah, I’m proud of you 
. I couldn’t believe how much Sophie has grown in past 6.5 months – she was huge compared to him. Awwww, it makes me want to have another baby.
Well, my mom is making dinner so I suppose I should go and get ready. Here’s a pic of Sophie wanting to play with Twiggles.
CONGRATULATIONS LEAH & WELCOME ISAAC!!!!
Yesterday I was giving Sophia her daily bath as part of her bed time routine. Since she has learned to sit up unsupported, I decided to take out her bath seat and let her sit on her own. I brought some toys for her to play with to make bath time a little more exciting. Mistake. She did not like the rubber ducky. Apparently the ducky is evil, and had to be out of the tub ASAP. I may have caused the problem of fearing the ducky, but I’m not entirely sure.
When I first put the ducky in she was fine with it – she even played and chewed on it, but the duck was soon full of water and wouldn’t float. I picked up the duck and squeezed the water out of it, causing a loud gushing noise as the water emptied through the little hole that had consumed the water in the first place. Then came the huge teary waterworks followed by very loud screaming. The rubber duck ruined the day. I don’t even know why the noise scared her, it was just running water and she’s fine with that. Beats me, I felt so bad for the kid.
It was very cute watching her play with her little toys, but now she wants nothing to do with the duck. I even tried introducing it to her later and she just screamed every time that she saw the yellow duck.
Today we had another swimming class where we had to throw a toy in the water and then guide the kids to go get them. Alas, they had rubber duckies as toys, so she freaked out until they put the toys away. I felt bad because they actually had to take out a rubber whale instead so she wouldn’t flip out. The whale was ok’d by her and very much welcomed. I didn’t know that kids develop fears so young, or that they even have the memory to recall something that scared them the day before. Hmmmmm, I guess now I know.
I have pictures from her bath, but not uploaded, maybe later today.
P.S. She went down for a nap at 12:40pm and is still asleep . I can’t believe it’s been 2.5 hours already, I should have napped myself.
Well I had an unimpressed 5:30am wake up today so I guess I’ll blog earlier. Seriously 5:30??? UGH!!!!
So in October 2005 we celebrated our 1 year anniversary at the Keg. Mmmm, I love the Keg, and after that went out looking at cars. We didn’t have the intention of buying a car, just wanted to browse around and see what’s out there. Long story short we ended up buying a vehicle, 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer. The first words that came out of my mouth were “did we just get married?” I guess that’s how it all happened.
At the very beginning of November Brad said that he wanted to get married and of course I agreed. We talked about different possibilities of when and where we would want to have a wedding. We knew that we didn’t want a long engagement, and half jokingly talked about eloping. The idea intrigued me. No planning, no worrying, so stressing, no me freaking out…I liked the idea.
On Friday November 4th Brad proposed. Now came the time to set a date. We thought that Sunday sounded good, so Sunday it was. I called up my parents and asked what they were doing that weekend, and they thought it was a weird question and told me that they had no plans. I told them to fly out because we were getting married. I think they were a bit shocked Brad also called his parents, but unfortunately they were in two different places and couldn’t make it back for the wedding.
On Sunday morning we picked up my parents and that evening Brad and I were married. There was a total of 7 people present including Brad and I. It was very sweet and intimate, and I loved that I didn’t have time to freak out.
Once everyone learned that we were married question started popping up. I guess some people assumed that there was a reason that we got married so quickly. I actually got some emails asking if it was a shotgun wedding. If anyone can do math they know that unless I was pregnant for a whole year it was not a shotgun wedding. Sophie was born 4 days after our 1 year wedding anniversary.
Anyway we didn’t go on a honeymoon right away seeing as how Brad was in a middle of a semester, bu we did go in January. When we came to BC in December we had a small reception with family and friends, and then headed to California for our honeymoon. I love Disneyland, it was a blast.
So this is it, this is our story. Hope you enjoyed it. Picture time….
Our Actual Wedding Nov 6 2005
Our Reception Dec 2005
Honeymoon Jan 2006
The day he was leaving for Edmonton he stopped by my place to say goodbye. We hung out for a couple of hours and then he left. When he was pulling out of my drive way I knew that it wouldn’t be long before we would see each other again. I actually made him a little gift. There were letters or notes that he would open each day until his birthday (oct 24th). He later told me that those letters were the highlight of his days.
Life felt a bit odd knowing that he wasn’t around. It was really nice to be rid of all the drama that we had, but at the same time it was too quiet. I began to feel very peaceful and Brad was living a free life. I think that it is something that we both needed at that time. It wasn’t long before he called me from Edmonton and asked if I could visit him. I agreed, still being a bit hesitant, but went anyway. We had a really good time there. he showed me around the U of A campus and introduced me to some of his roommates. Once I left things were still really unsettling with us. Were we going to give it another try? How would it work? So, I went to visit him again, and then he came down for thanksgiving weekend. And then I was going to fly out there for his birthday.
I came a few days earlier so that we could have more time to spend together then just the weekend, and the day that he picked me up from the airport he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend again. It was all very cute, he had roses layed out on the bed and music, really romantic. After that we went out for dinner and walked around. It was very nice and comfortable, and the past no longer mattered. I think at that point we both knew that it was a fresh start and that we could make it work this time.
The only problem was that we were living in two different provinces. I HATE long distance relationships. He asked me if I would be willing to move out to Edmonton, and I said I would. I applied to University of Alberta and moved there Dec 30 2004 for the winter semester. It was nice to be in the same city again. No more flying back and forth, no more spending lots of money on long distance calls, no more being apart for weeks at a time.
March 2005 we went to Florida for his sisterts wedding, which again was really fun. I will post some pictures from our trip. And before we knew it we were going to get married….the story finale is tomorrow…
The Sunday that we broke up Brad asked me if I wanted to join him for church. It was an awkward drive there and back, the rain didn’t help it either. That evening I made him dinner and we had our break up talk. I won’t get into the reasons why we broke up, and no it was not because he had a hidden attraction to Brent.
Seeing as how we didn’t date for a long time we remained friends. He took me out for my 19th birthday, which is where my sushi addiction began. We still went for walks and movies, so it was almost like we were dating without the dating title or the exclusivity of it.
Eventually we kind of began to resent one another. We were not working out as friends, as we wanted different things. I was in love with a guy that didn’t love me back. Being the stubborn person that I am I decided that I was going to get what I want. The only problem was that I had no patience what so ever, and that caused a lot of hardships that we had to go through in our relationship.
By January 2003 we no longer spoke to each other. We had a big fight and decided that it was best that we didn’t speak. I temporarily began giving up and decided to move on with my oh so pathetic life. I had a lot of guy friends so it was easy to take my mind off him, as long I was around people I didn’t have to think about Brad. It actually worked really well, we both became interested in other people, pseudo dating other people. Of couse Brad being the possessive overprotective guy that he is didn’t like the idea of me being with someone else. This went on for a while: we fought, kissed, fought, made up, fought some more. A vicious cycle that neither of us could break.
Then rolled around summer of 2004. That summer everything changed. We were actually able to be civil towards each other. There wasn’t much fighting, we were getting along? It was a nice change, something that both of us were anticipating for a while. I stopped being clingy, and he stopped being mean. The arrangement was working out well.
At the end of July 2004 everything was turned upside down and we again were not on speaking terms. This time I thought that I was never going to forgive him for what he did ( I won’t say what it was, because it’s not important). I told Brad that it was all over and if he wanted me it had to be all or nothing. I was sick of doing everything half way. That’s what our relationship was all about for the last 2 years, everything half way, lies, deception, and pain. I knew that it had to stop and so did he. If we were ever going to be “WE” again then it had to be fresh.
We had a long talk at one of the parks we used to go to and decided that if we were meant to be it would happen. He gave me one last kiss and we parted ways.
A few days later I received a text message that he was moving to Edmonton. It felt so impersonal, but that’s what I asked for and that’s what I got……
Some pictures from our second year…
the guys he lived with and a bad picture of us
Brent and Leah before they became uncool
That summer Brad sent me a few e-mails for some get togethers, I ignored every one of them. Later when he asked me why I ignored them I told him that it was because I didn’t want any distractions. I was trying very hard to work at the relationship that I had, and I didn’t want him to think about.
Once September rolled around I decided that I would live on campus again (the wedding was planned for the end of April). The funny thing was that the first person that I saw there was agian, Brad. No hand shake this time, I guess he felt that a hug would be more appropriate. We had a little chat, he introduced me to his sister whom was a new student that year, and we both went our ways. This time I was a campus resident and he was a commuter. I honestly didn’t think that we would really see each other all that much.
A few weeks went by and the more I hung out with different people there, the more I wanted to break up with my fiance. It was one particular night that made me realize 100% that I was not going to get married that year. My roommate and I decided to drive out to White Rock and spend the night on the beach. A couple of other people joined us and we went on out way. It was a beautiful night, nothing really happened there, we just hung out and talked. It was a lot of fun, and that made me not want to settle down. I was a month short of my 19th birthday, and I wanted to live my life, not be someones wife. The next day I decided that I was going to break it off, but it was the weekend so I thought I’d wait until Monday. That weekend I threw a big dinner party, I didn’t invite Brad, we weren’t really friends then so I just invited people that I hung out with. After the party I made some lame excuse to why I didn’t want to hang out with my fiance and made him go home. The following Monday he was beginning to realize that something was wrong and instead of asking me about it he just kept buying me presents. I was feeling really guilty for wanting to break it off, so I waited. By the end of the second week I had had enough. I KNEW it had to end. In our counselling class he kept writing me notes asking why I was acting so weird. I kept trying to divert the conversation but he would not let it go. Finally I told him that it was over…. Ironic isn’t it? Counselling class and an engagement break up.
I don’t think I had ever felt to relieved in my life as I did when I gave him the ring back and walked away. It wasn’t a sad moment, it was a good moment, I was free.
About 11 days after that I was sitting in out book store are called the Oasis reading a book, Brad walked by smirking at me. I kept on reading and then he walked by again, I thought it was kind of funny. The he started talking to me, but he wouldn’t sit down, he just stood there. Finally I told him to sit down and that’s where it all began.
We talked for a while and then decided to grab something to eat. That night we drove out to Langley to a park called Coyote Creek and there we decided to date. I remember him playing with my hair and he asked me a really silly question: “You’re not going to hit me if I do this in public are you?” I thought it was cute, and of course I said no.
The next day he came over to see if I wanted to go on a date to Westminster Abby with him. We went on our little date and had a lot of fun, that is also where we discovered that we both a strong dislike for horses.
Our relationship didn’t last a long time though, by the end of our second week we were broken up….
He was a nice boy, a sweet boy- but that was it, he was just a boy. I didn’t want a boy, I wanted a man. Yah sure Brad was only 19 years old, hardly to be considered a man, but he was more of a man then what I had. Seems silly for a 17 year old girl to be asking for a man doesn’t it?
Me being the romantic that I am I decided that it was better for me to stick to what I knew rather then moving onto something new. Two weeks before my 18th birthday I got engaged. Why? To this day I still don’t know what possessed me to want to get married so young. I was engaged to a guy that I wasn’t even sure about, even though if anybody would have asked I would have said that I was SURE.
The first semester was soon over and I had decided that I would move into the dorms for the second part of the year. I felt that if I was going to get married I needed to experince the dorm life before the married life. It was specially exciting as I was moving in with one of my best friends. We sure had a blast. I didn’t see Brad much during that time. Odd, seeing as how we were both living on campus. I honestly didn’t even really think of him anymore. My mind was occupied with other things, and Brad just didn’t matter all that much anymore. He was also interested in another girl (whom by the way blew him off). I say that because he rarely gets turned down by girls, I think she may have been the first one to do that.
The only other time that I remember talking to Brad is in the bookstore area. It was nearing to the end of the semester and I decided to go down there to see if there was anyone that I could hang out with. It was pretty late, but then I saw a group of people and decided to stick around. We played some card games and talked, I had a pretty good time. Around 3:00am-which was way past my bed time, I was just a bit overtired and and ended up saying something kind of dumb. I stretched so that just a bit of my stomach showed and said that I wanted to seduce someone. Seeing as how Brad was the only guy there he knew it was directed at him. I didn’t really mean it, I was just having fun. He later told me that if we had been alone he would have gone for it and kissed me, I don’t know if I would have refused…
At the end of the year Brad threw a big Gala at his grandparents house and that was the last time that I saw him. Next time we would meet would be in September for our second year…..
Here are some pictures from our first year……. The second one is for Leah:)
Our story is not a fairy tale. Brad was not my Prince Charming. I was not his princess. We didn’t blissfully fall in love. It was a rough road with a lot of mistakes and regrets. But in the end we did make it work and love each other very much. I hope that we have a happily ever after.
It was the first day of orientation at Columbia Bible College. I just got back together with the guy that I had been dating for 1 1/2 years, so my reason for going to CBC was not to find a husband, despite CBC’s alternative name: “Columbia Bridal College” – I guess that’s where you go to find a wholesome “Christian” spouse. We all had to wear name tags so that we could get to know each other. I was not a resident that semester, for some odd reason I decided to commute. Walking through the front yard that connected the girls and boys dorms, holding a hamburger in my hand, I saw a tall skinny guy in a white shirt grinning at me. “Oh you have got to be kidding me,” was all I thought at that moment. I was used to guys staring at me, so he was just another silly little boy trying to find a wife on the first day of bridal college (and yes he was;)); the only difference with him was that he was confident. He didn’t act like a scared little boy afraid to talk to a girl, he knew what he wanted and went for it. His hand shake was firm and his smile genuine. Trying to be as subtle as he could, he introduced himself. Those of you who know Brad know that when he thinks a girl is cute he tilts his head to the right, just a little bit: that little bit gave it all away.
I didn’t notice other guys, I was in a committed relationship, but this one kind of struck me. Just as I was shaking his hand the first thought that went through my head was, “I’m going to marry this guy.” A little shocked at myself for thinking something like that, I quickly sat down and proceeded to eat my burger thinking, “Really, I’m not here to get married.” For some odd reason I couldn’t take my eyes off him. A couple of other people join us for dinner, but even to this day I cannot remember who was all there. Brad and I flirted a little bit and during that dinner conversation I managed to call him gay, liar, and sent him to triple hell. I suppose it was my silly 17 year old way of flirting – I didn’t know any better, I had only been with 1 guy before that.
After that day I tried not to think about him anymore and Brad knew that I was in a relationship and respected that. We ran into each other here and there, but other then that we didn’t talk much. The only recollection that I have of him that year is him stealing my winter gloves. He just wanted a little attention and I wanted to give it to him. He had quickly grabbed them off my desk and I chased him down the hall into the bookstore area. I jumped on his back trying to get them back – it was our second form of physical contact since that handshake months before.
I couldn’t believe myself that after months I couldn’t stop thinking about him. But what could I do? I was still in a relationship, a relationship that I was beginning to question a little.
…more to come tomorrow
Sophia has entered a new phase in her life, discovering her hands. She has recently realized that her hands can be used to rake all things into her mouth. Anything that is in front of her WILL be in her hands and then in her mouth. She’s like the seagull in ‘Finding Nemo,’ “Mine, Mine, Mine.” It’s very cute, but at the same time I now have to be aware of everything that is within her reach. I guess baby proofing the house comes next, something I was hoping wouldn’t have to be done for a while.
I bought her some sweet potato puffs which she absolutley loves and put them infront of her in her high chair. I’m trying to encourage the development of the piser grasp. It really funny because she doesn’t get that she can use her fingers so he rakes everything with all her fingers and as soon as she has it in her hand she lets go. Let’s just say that the kitchen floor has seen better days. I think we need to work on the hand and eyes coordination as well. She doesn’t get that food goes in the mouth not on the floor. Sure everything else goes in the mouth, but food mush be dropped.
Anyway, the little cutie is currently napping, maybe I should be napping. If her naps weren’t so stinking short I would take one, but by the time I fall asleep she is ready to wake up. I wonder whatever happened to her 2-3 hour naps she used to take. I miss those naps, they gave mommy a break.
Well, I have some pictures to post but they’re on the camera and I’m too lazy right now. Check back in a few hours i promise I will have them up.
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